"If you go to the thought, take your heart with you. If you go to love, take your head with you. Empty is love without thought, empty is thought without love". Carl Gustav Jung
E It is common that in a couple there are disagreements, even daily, This is healthy and natural because it reflects the diversity of the two parties involved. Each partner, in fact, brings different contributions to the relationship, giving rise to a comparison, an exchange and a sharing that generate mutual enrichment.
It happens, at times, that between the two partners is triggered a Vicious circle of misunderstandings and incommunicability: quarrels, judgments, silences, spite, distancing. The use of different languages in communicating one's discomfort prevents mutual understanding. Then both parties feel misunderstood and this feeling of loneliness can bring with it other negative thoughts: fears, doubts and insecurities creep into the relationship and increase the distance. You focus on the other person's shortcomings, on what they should do or say, but don't do or don't say. The "we" is transformed into the opposition "I - you", who sees the opposition of two solitudes.
We talk at this point of "crisis" because you perceive an unbridgeable emotional and affective distance towards the other, you do not see solutions and you feel faced with a crossroads where the only possibility is the choice between two options: leave or continue that condition of unhappiness.
Often, exhausted and tired, A decision is made on the basis of resentment, anger and hostility accumulated over time. Many times there is a lack of confrontation and agreement because communication is blocked. The temperature of the emotional thermometer is high and does not allow to choose in a lucid and conscious way. Yet, any decision made in such a state of mind, can lead to take an undesirable path, sometimes even against one's real will.
In these cases, the advice of a professional is fundamental because it can help:
- To lower the temperature of the emotional thermometer and calm anger;
- To understand what you feel, what you really want, getting to the bottom of your inner conflict;
- To acquire a new and different point of view on what is being experienced, exploring perspectives not considered until then;
- to provide the tools to build a bridge that connects oneself with the other, to communicate in an authentic way.
Article by Dr. Cortesi Alessia, member of the Order of Psychologists of the Lombardy region