So what is the difference between the two?? Appearance? In the level of education? The amount of money in the account? In a modeling career? Age? In the bodily form? In something else?
How to let go of people who leave without saying goodbye
No, it's all about something else - internal beliefs, or rather a woman's attitude towards herself, life and men in particular.
So what a woman thinks/believes about herself, about life and about men, that will manifest itself in her life.
What beliefs, what picture of the world, determine a woman's destiny - "will she quit??"or "won't leave?" and how this can be changed.
Why a person's beliefs are so important? Because they determine what will happen to you in life.
If you believe that you're ugly or unworthy or whatever you think you are, then that's how things will work in your life-you'll always be met with confirmation of what you think of yourself. The outside world just gives you back your opinion of yourself.
If you think that you "are not worthy of a happy relationship," that you "have it all going wrong," that "everyone in your family has bad luck" (this is an example, there are many options) - then this is how things will work out in your life. And what's more, you will pass your beliefs on to your children.
There is another nuance. What you do NOT accept in your life, what you resist, what you want to run away from - this is exactly what will happen again, until you accept it with love and gratitude. Because it teaches you something and you don't want to understand it.
What does this have to do with why men quit?? Direct
If you cannot tolerate loneliness, if it is unbearable for you, then this is the experience you will have over and over again until you stop protesting inside, resisting or fighting it, and accept it with peace in your soul.
Another example. If you are convinced that "all men - jerks," "men can not be trusted," "I know better myself," "it is better to be alone than with just anyone," and the like, then this is the experience that you will receive in your life.
Your inner belief becomes your reality. And you created it. First within themselves, and then in their lives.
So the conclusion is simple - watch what you think about, HOW you think, with what emotions. Then the cause and effect connections will become more transparent, more visible to you, you will learn to understand how you create in your life what you create.
The approach of psychologist Liz Bourbeau
Liz Burbo, the famous American psychologist and metaphysician, beautifully highlighted the trauma women have that a man is GUARANTEED to leave her.
One of these traumas is the trauma of abandonment, when a woman (and it applies to men, too) cannot endure her loneliness, so she clings to a man. A normal man is guaranteed to leave her. The only one who won't leave is the one who will self-actualize at her expense.
But you don't want that option?
Another injury that discourages men - when a woman, in order to avoid betrayal of men, not to show their vulnerability, takes the reins in his hands, controlling, dictates his demands, double-checking, do not trust the man. The "I do it myself", "I know better" program is at work.
A normal man would run away from such a lady. What kind of man stays?? Weak, dependent, whom she will need to take care of, guide, prompt. Do you need this option??
In what follows I will quote excerpts from Liz Bourbeau's book Five Traumas That Keep You From Being Yourself in which she talks about five traumas and the masks that these traumas cover up so that one can avoid the pain of that trauma, not feel the pain, but at the same time not allow that pain to heal.
The mask covers the wound but does not heal it, and the person THINKS there is no pain at all. But, despite this, he still periodically steps on the same rake and is forced to feel his pain again.
The goal is to see your mask (behavioral pattern, template, subpersonality), take it off, expose your wound (pain, trauma), say to yourself that this is where my pain is, and heal this pain by understanding why this happened in the beginning, why the wound was formed.
Quote:Â When we come to heal some trauma, we inevitably choose those parents who activate that trauma.
Liz Bourbeau argues that we choose our parents on a "trauma to trauma" basis, they must "bring us into" that inner state accompanying the trauma, activate that trauma in us.
Because our soul, coming into this incarnation, has already planned what specific traumas it will work with.
And these are exactly the traumas that we have already "accumulated" in past lives, that is, by the time we choose our parents, we already have "baggage" under our belt.
This is why our parents are always the best parents for us, for each individual.
We carry this trauma for several lifetimes and do not dare to deal with it, because it is very painful to open old wounds, claims Liz Burbo.
Quote:Â Self-protective masks manifest themselves in a person's physique and appearance.
Our body is so conscious that it always finds a way to communicate what is not right, not settled. In reality, it is our inner GOD who uses the body for messages.
When one first decides to deal with their pain, the first reaction is usually denial, followed by anger, and only then is one able to face reality.
In the process of healing the mask the physical body transforms, but slowly because matter changes more slowly than the subtle bodies.
In this article I won't talk about all five traumas, but just one - Liz Bourbeau calls it "The Abandonment Trauma.".
A person who has this trauma active is constantly emotionally starved; he or she constantly feels that too little attention is being paid to him or her.
He tends to merge emotionally with other people; he considers himself responsible for other people's emotions.
He seeks the attention of others, at any cost.
Needs presence, attention, support, reinforcement.
Experiences difficulty doing or solving things alone.
He can't stand his loneliness, loneliness is unbearable for him.
A woman with this trauma will inevitably attract a man or men into her life who will leave her, or she will be forced to turn a blind eye to his/her apparent flaws.
This trauma usually occurs before the age of 2, with a parent of the opposite sex.
Many people who carry the trauma of abandonment confirm that they suffered from a lack of communication with a parent of the opposite sex as a child.
In most cases, these children felt that the parent of the opposite sex was not interested in them.
Trying to hide this trauma from himself, the child creates a mask of AWESOME.
Dependent's physique
The addict mask is characterized by a lack of tone in the body. The body is always an outward expression of exactly what is going on inside.
An addict is sure that he is capable of achieving nothing by himself, that he absolutely needs somebody's support. And his whole body expresses this need for support. Looking at him, you want to help him.
Another peculiarity of the addict's mask is the positioning of some parts of the body below the normal. Sometimes the back is crooked, as if the spine can't keep it straight. Other parts of her body, her shoulders, her breasts, her buttocks, her cheeks, her belly, etc., also look drooping and flabby.
Attracting attention to herself, at any cost
The addict tries every way to get attention, but what he is really looking for is an opportunity to get support.
Victim Behavior to Draw Attention to Himself
An addict may even create problems for himself, including health problems, just to get the attention of others to his person. This is how he manages not to feel abandoned.
Being abandoned is incomparably more painful for him than experiencing the problems he created himself.
There is another pattern - the victim very often and willingly plays the role of the savior. He is looking to "save" someone he loves from trouble. These are more subtle ways to get attention.
The need for support and approval for their decisions
Whether he finds it difficult or easy to make decisions for himself, he tends to turn to others first, asking for their opinion or approval.
He needs a sense of approval and support in his decisions. And it's not so important to get real physical help, as to FELCOME support from another person.
When he is supported, he takes it as help and love.
The addict doesn't like to work alone, he needs someone's presence, if only for moral support. When a joint project ends, he says, "What a pity it's over. The end of something pleasant, he/she feels as if he/she has been abandoned.
The dependent woman has a hard time accepting rejection and usually insists on her request. The more she suffers in the face of rejection, the more stubbornly she seeks means to get her way, uses manipulation, caprices, blackmail, etc.
The addict often seeks advice because he is unsure of his ability to complete a task on his own. He believes that if he does his job well, no one else will do it, and then there will be isolation, loneliness, and he wants to avoid that at all costs.
A strong fear of loneliness
Loneliness terrifies the addict more than anything else. Therefore, he clings to others and does everything to win their attention.
He resorts to all sorts of tricks, just to be loved, just not to be left alone. For the sake of it he endures long and patiently the most painful situations.
His fear is expressed by thoughts like: "What will I do alone?? "How can I be??"
The addicted person has the most powerful ability not to see the problem in her partner. She prefers to think that everything is okay, because she is afraid to be abandoned.
If the partner declares, that leaves her, she suffers incredibly, as she is sure, that with loneliness to it it will not cope.
Sadness, sadness is the strongest emotion an addict has to endure. He feels it in the deepest recesses of his soul, unable to understand or explain where it comes from. To escape this sadness, he seeks the company of others.
Avoidance of bosses, bossy people, conflicts
The addict is afraid of bosses and authority figures. People with a commanding voice or imperious manners seem cold and indifferent to him.
This is also the reason why he is very kind and friendly to others, sometimes overly and coercively. He hopes that his behavior will make others friendly and attentive instead of cold and haughty. But the effect, as a rule, is the opposite.
Avoiding serious relationships
What Is Behind Feeling Alone? The one who suffers from it unconsciously alienates himself from the one he would so much like to have by his side.
Because he subconsciously knows that he will leave him anyway.
The fear of being abandoned and being alone comes into play.
That is why he does not open his soul to accept these people.
The addict is also afraid of the emotions she may feel in response to their attention.
This behavior is not uncommon and easy to spot: the person is clearly hindering his or her own happiness. As soon as the relationship becomes more intimate, he subconsciously looks for a way to end it.
They do what they blame others for
They often blame others for abandoning them. But they don't want to see how often they themselves leave others behind.
They don't realize how many beginnings they abandon halfway through.
The addict feels the need for the presence and attention of others, but fails to notice how often he denies others what he requires of himself.
Responsibility for the emotions of others
The addict identifies easily, "merges" with others and therefore tends to make him/herself responsible for the happiness or unhappiness of others, just as he/she makes them responsible for his/her own misfortunes and joys.
This mentally unstable person feels deeply the emotions of others and easily succumbs to their influx.
The desire for fusion gives rise to all kinds of fears, such as fear of open spaces and crowded places.
Just as a child, the addict believed he was responsible for the happiness and failures of others.
As a consequence, he became too nervous because he couldn't constantly be alert and prevent all other people's misfortunes.
Fear of change
The addict has a fear of change because change represents symbolic death to him. Cannot accept that something good may come to an end.
Demonstrating his independence
When an addict is confronted with the problems that their own addiction creates, in those moments they want to be independent. Considering oneself independent is a very common reaction in addicts, and they love to tell others how independent they are!
Attitudes toward sex
He often uses sex to bond with his partner more strongly. It is especially popular with women.
When an addicted person sees that her partner desires her, she feels more important, valuable, meaningful.
Since she does not consider herself as such, she clings to a partner under the false belief that it is the partner who will give her all this - something she cannot give herself.
Relationship with Parents
Many people who carry the trauma of abandonment confirm that they suffered from a lack of communication with a parent of the opposite sex as a child.
They found him too withdrawn and blamed him for giving the other parent all the power.
In most cases, these children believed that the parent of the opposite sex was not interested in them.
Quote: As long as we continue to be angry at a parent of the opposite sex (even unconsciously), as long as our relationships with people of the same sex as that parent will be difficult.
Uncontrolled imagination
The addict is also characterized by an unlimited and uncontrollable imagination. He imagines situations far beyond reality.
Often, these are desires which have no ground and the addict doesn't even know how to realize them.
If this way to dream of a desired partner, the effect is the opposite, so the partner can only be discouraged, so the effect is the opposite.
Such a way of dreaming, like uncontrolled thought activity, when the energy is swirling in the head, in thoughts, and the subject of these thoughts is a man, then you get the effect of "lingering" on the partner. It's a sticky, sticky energy that sort of pulls energy from your desired partner and you sort of shout to him, "Give me, give me your energy!". This leads to just the opposite effect, because you vampire that person.
As a rule, this person picks up such a signal and tries subconsciously to avoid communication with you.
At the heart of this "sticking" is your deep belief that you can not do without this man, only he can make your happiness.
"I can't be without him, my happiness is unthinkable without him!" - thus you miss out on your happiness with another worthy man.
Conclusion: Dream of men correctly! Stop dreaming of men "out of your head," using your imagination alone.
Instead, think about that person from real life situations, from what you already know about him or her, what her qualities are, and listen to the feelings in your body. Keep your attention in your body, the body never lies and will always tell you what you have to pay attention to.
Nutrition
In terms of nutrition, the addict can eat a lot without gaining weight.
Because he is inwardly determined that he always and everything is lacking, his body receives the appropriate message when he eats. And it reacts accordingly.
Being at odds with the word "leave," the addict always tries not to leave anything on the plate.
The disease of the addict
ASTMA is a disease characterized by difficulty in breathing and painful breathing. Metaphysically, this disease indicates that a person takes more than he should and gives it away with great difficulty.
BRONCH problems are also very likely because the bronchi are metaphysically connected to the family. Under the influence of his or her fusion sub-personality, the addict attracts problems to himself or herself
Pancreas (hypoglycemia and diabetes) and adrenal glands. His whole digestive system is unstable because he thinks his food is inadequate, even if physically it is quite normal.
Even though the insufficiency exists only emotionally, his physical body receives messages about the lack of food and reacts accordingly - reflects the mental state.
BLIND in addicts is also very common. It represents an inability to see far away, and this has to do with fear of the future and especially an unwillingness to face the future alone.
An addict who cares too much about his victimizing sub-personality can drive himself to HISTORY.
Psychologists say that the hysterical person is like a child who is afraid of having his pacifier taken away and being left alone. Therefore, such a personality tends to noisily display its emotions.
Many addicts develop DEPRESSION when their trauma causes them great distress and they feel helpless - not getting the love they crave. This, too, is a way to get attention.
The addict suffers MIGRENY because he is preventing himself from being himself, blocking his "I Am". He fusses too much, goes to all sorts of lengths to be what others want him to be, or lives almost entirely in the shadow of the people who love him.
How to heal the Abandonment Trauma
Liz Bourbeau says that the more severe the trauma of abandonment, the more credible it is that you have abandoned yourself (i.e. given up) or that you have abandoned other people, situations, projects.
We reproach others for all the things we do, but are unwilling to notice.
This is the reason why we attract people to us who show us how we behave with others and with ourselves. They serve as a kind of "mirror" that shows us things we don't want to see ourselves, but they force us to look at our reflection.
Until the trauma is healed, we attract "mirrors" into our lives.
Quote: When your trauma of abandonment is activated, you put on the mask of an addict. It makes you seem like a little child who seeks and demands attention - you cry, complain and submit to everything and everyone because you don't believe you can act on your own.
This mask makes you resort to all kinds of tricks to avoid being left alone or to get more attention. It may even persuade you to become ill or a victim of some circumstance, just to get the support and help you crave.
What to take in?
First of all, the fact that whatever you fear or reproach others for, you WILL do to others, and especially to yourself.
Conclusion: as soon as you notice an addictive behavior in yourself, look for memories of when you abandon, quit, give up on yourself, other people, projects, etc.
Quote: The source of our well-being should be what we are and what we do, not the praise, gratitude, appreciation, and support of others .
I remind you that to love unconditionally is to accept, even if you don't agree, even if you don't understand the reasons.
The man who suffers from the trauma of abandonment reinforces that trauma every time he neglects something important, every time he lets himself fall, every time he doesn't do enough for himself, every time he doesn't give himself the attention he needs.
He intimidates others by clinging too intensely to them, and thus gets them to leave and he's left alone again.
Quote: Your abandonment trauma is close to healing if you feel good even when you're alone and if you need someone else's attention less. Life no longer seems so dramatic. You have an increasing desire to start various projects, and even if others don't help you, you're able to pursue things on your own.
If you have recognized in yourself the signs of the mask of an addict, as described by Liz Bourbeau, then you can already start working on changing your inner beliefs, and with them your inner state and your reality.